The dirty little secret hiding on the bathroom floor:
Neghar Foonini is running a #bikinirebellion program and it has really inspired me to share a personal story. If you want to check out the rebellion head you can read about it here. And look for #bikinirebellion of facebook and instagram.
Her recent email was describing how we put too much value on the scale, and how we let our imperfections keep us from putting on the bikini anyway. I wanted to share my journey with you, because I’ve been there. I know exactly how this feels.
It started in high school. I didn’t have a scale of my own so I would sneak into my parent’s bathroom while they were not around and weigh myself . If anyone caught me I would pretend to be looking for some lotion or nail polish. I didn’t want my mother to know because I knew she would try to convince me that I was worth more than the number on the scale, and that is NOT what I wanted to hear.
Then in college I lived with some of my closest friends. This bad habit of mine continued. First thing in the morning, before coffee, before breakfast I would step inside the bathroom and close the door. I’d quickly turn on the shower, take off my clothes, and then ever so slowly step on to the bathroom scale. I did not want anyone to hear that I was weighing myself.
This was my dirty little secret. I wanted to pretend I didn’t care, I wanted to pretend that it didn’t matter to me, but for several years of my life I put all my value in the number on the scale. This morning routine had a huge impact on my entire day.
If the number was lower than before I would have a great day, if it was even ONE pound higher my mood would swing and I’d inevitably skip a meal or two that day. I’d formulate plans on how I was going to loose the weight.
What I didn’t know was that weight fluctuates from day to day by a few pounds and that was normal. I was clueless to what was actually healthy. This was around the same time of my life that I though the Special K diet was a good idea.
My bad habit carried over until the first time I moved into my very own apartment. After hitting rock bottom of health and body image I decided to make a major change. I moved to a more supportive environment and I enrolled in a course to become a certified personal trainer. Although I was tempted every time I was shopping at Target, I refrained from buying a scale.
I was pretty proud of this fact. Unfortunately I had switched to a new obsession. The body fat caliper. In class we learned how to measure our body fat, and we did this weekly to practice. I was obsessed with seeing that number go down. I no longer cared about my weight because I started to gain a bit more perspective on what that number actually reflected. I watched as I became stronger and became more lean. I felt better than ever, but I still let the reading from my body fat caliper determine my worth that day.
This was not a healthier obsession for me. Yes the body fat caliper can show you more accurate measure of your health and give you great feedback. I however let it take over the place of the scale. I was still allowing a number control how I felt about myself. How hard I dieted and how many two a days (2 workout in 1 day) I would be doing that week.
I was chained to these devices to tell me I was good enough. I didn’t practice what I preached. I would help clients start focusing on their workouts and not to focus on the scale or body fat reading. Then I would sneak the caliper into the locker room and test my own body composition. I was addicted and I did not know how to listen to my own advice.
I cannot tell you the exact day I broke up with the scale and body fat caliper, I can only tell you that it took a lot of time and a lot of patience for me. I slowly started to measure less and less. I started to exercise because I enjoyed it and because I loved feeling strong. I no longer battled the demons of body perfection. This was a long journey for me and I am still on it.
I am still far from perfect. I have bad days and good days, but I can say that I have come a long way. I no longer let the scale dictate what I could and could not wear that day. The body fat caliper did not determine if I would wear my bikini at the lake.
No matter where you are in your relationship with the scale, you can make the transition, too. You may not cut cold turkey, but you can slowly not put as much value in the number that comes up.
Scales and fat calipers are not actually the devil. It is the value that we put on them that makes them become harmful. Sometimes we need measurements to track success or to set goals, and that is okay. It is when those number take control that it gets out of hand.
If you are using your scale and fat caliper in a healthy way to measure progress and it keeps you on track then by all means KEEP using your tools. Just be aware of how you feel when you use them. I also urge to to measure your progress in other ways as well.
If you ARE using the scale or the body fat caliper and it has the power over you to change your mood and affect your day, then it is time to make a transition. Start measuring your progress in how your clothes fit, and how much your body can accomplish during your workouts. Slowly step off the scale and let it become less meaningful to you.
I have been down that road. I know how you are feeling. I also completely believe that you can live without the scale. You can love your body regardless of the numbers. It takes time, it takes patience, and it takes self care.
I do own a scale and it lives underneath the sink in my laundry room. It is surrounded by old cleaning supplies and rags that I don’t use. I originally bought it to weight my sandbags that I was filling. It immediately was stored instead of set up in my bathroom. This is because I know myself and I did not need the extra temptation. For me it was out of site out of mind. I didn’t want to see it regularly, and then get curious, and slip down a slippery slope of back where I came from.
If you are just starting your journey, make your scale a pain in the A$$ to get to. Stick in in a high cabinet that you can’t reach. Getting a step stool out and digging it out of the cabinet might just be enough to deter you from reaching for it. If it is a public scale at a gym that is tempting you, I suggest a simple mantra
“I am not defined by my weight, I am more than a number”
If you say this to yourself when you are tempted you will actually start to believe it 😉