There are voices inside our head narrating everything we do. No, not narrating, judging:
“You’re going to eat that?”
“You chose that outfit?”
“You’re on Facebook again?”
“You really need to step up your game!”
“You’re fat, ugly, stupid.”
“You’re not good enough!”
These are things that happen in our minds all day long. The sad thing is most of us have learned to live with it. We made friends with this voice because it has kept us safe.
I’ve got news for you. That voice is a BITCH!!!!
This is what I imagine my inner BITCH looks like
Take a step away from it for a second. Let’s look at this kind of interaction from the outside with
Story Time:
You hire a personal trainer because you want to start training regularly. You buy a new outfit a pair of Under Armour leggings and a sweat wicking shirt in your favorite color. You walk in the first day and your new trainer takes your money and says:
“What are you wearing? You can’t train in that”
“Who do you think you are trying to dress like you know what you’re doing?”
To keep this story going, lets say you continued with the session. (Even though I kinda already want to punch her in the face and walk out)
“Oh man! Your form is terrible and I’m not sure you’ll ever get it right.”
“The way your fat jiggles when you’re doing jumping jacks is really distracting”
“Why did you even come here exactly?”
ALRIGHT! I’ve actually had enough of writing this terrible story. I’m really imagining it and it’s making my chest tight and face warm with anger. Can you imagine sticking with a trainer that is telling you these things? NO! That is abuse. In real life if this EVER happened I hope you leave immediately and report them.
Unfortunately this conversation really does happen FAR too often. It’s the conversation from the bitch inside our own heads. Just by taking these remarks and looking at them as an external story we recognize it is abuse and it is absurd to listen.
Why do we insist on listening and (worse) believing these things when we say them to ourselves? Does it really keep us safe? From what?
Back to story time:
Now you hire a trainer at a brand new gym and you walk in the first day in whatever you had available at home. Its a pair of comfy sweatpants and an old t-shirt from college. Your interaction looks like this:
You: “ I didn’t really know what to wear for this workout”
Trainer: “What you’re in is perfect. If you can move comfortably is all that matters.”
You continue your session and the feedback you’re getting sounds like this
“You’re doing great.”
“Shift your hips back just slightly. There.”
“This move may be new to you, but we’ll keep working on it.”
“How are you feeling?”
Different experience? Would you continue to build a relationship with this trainer? This external voice was authentic, and gave proper feedback to create growth and success. She didn’t sound like a cheerleader shouting meaningless motivational quotes at you, but wasn’t abusing you either.
In this interaction are you getting what you need? Do you feel safe?
All of this story telling is just to show you what is going on. When your internal voice matches what the first terrible trainer was saying, it is abuse. You are beating yourself up. Is this what your inner bitch sounds like? How is that working for your growth and success?
That voice isn’t going to be quite. I still have my inner babbling bitch I deal with daily. What I practice is just noticing and then calling her out.
Instead of trying to FIX it, all I want you to do is notice when it is happening. Be aware of this self-hate. If it helps I suggest you use your imagination and put it into an external story like the one above. Notice how that story makes you feel. Don’t try to change anything. Please don’t beat yourself up for beating yourself up (that is a vicious cycle my friends)
Just start noticing, saying hello, and recognizing her. She is not you, she is your bitch!
Please share with me what you think, how this has affected you, or any feedback on this topic. Do you think I’m on to something, or absolutely crazy… I want to know =)
I work with people on the conversations they have with themselves that keep them stuck. In this work we start by noticing and distinguishing what is. Then we work together to empower your best self and practice tackling life from this new being. If you’re interested in creating this for yourself email me at: [email protected] and request a free life coaching session.